Overwhelmed and Emotional

Last night I went out to this show/event that Punk Rock Librarian was in, and in addition to my husband and his wife being there, I brought my best friend and another friend, PRL's other girlfriend came and his wife's boyfriend and his wife and fiance came. Just typing that makes my brain hurt. I totally had a great time and everyone met and got along just fine, but I drank a little too much and was a bit overwhelmed by all of it and had a mini breakdown at the end of the evening. Poor David got to deal with my meltdown. On the way home I was kind of on the verge of being upset, tearing up a little, but then later at home I kind of let go and gave into the meltdown. I believe the term "crying jag" applies here. I was overwhelmed with emotions I guess.

Let's see, there was jealousy from being around both of PRL's other partners, nervousness at meeting new people, the strange feelings from having both of my partners at the same place and not knowing how to act, the ongoing guilt I feel with David about how I feel like I'm forcing him to share me especially since he doesn't have another partner. All that mixed with too much booze equals a crying mess of mascara. There was part of me that just wanted to give up the whole thing. A really small part, because I'm now very attached to PRL and don't think I could give him up at this point.

And that leads me to I think what my underlying issue is. I feel like things have moved pretty quickly in this new relationship and I wasn't exactly expecting it to happen this way. It seems like it's gotten pretty heavy, at least for me. Because that's just how I tend to be, I get attached quickly and feel things pretty strongly, so I guess I should have known that would happen. But I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid of getting hurt, of course, but it's more like I'm afraid of hurting David, especially by falling in love with another man. We talked last night, and he seems fully on board with everything and is totally understanding. He said he expected it, and not to worry. But I have this feeling that it's really affecting him more than he lets on and I just don't want to ruin things. I don't know what I would do without him.

But I suppose there is a part of me that knows I'm good at making things a bigger deal than they actually are. I fully realize that I should just be enjoying things and not over analyzing everything. I just get so in my head about this stuff and get preoccupied by intense emotions and sort of shut down. I guess that's what happened last night. It's all a lot to take.